Let's Rewind And Evaluate My Dating Choices

Significant mentions of Tina Fey and a full recap of the boys in my past

This isn’t relationship advice. Just because I am dating someone, I don’t assume I know what I am doing.

Presently I am dating Trevor. Trevor works as a paid volunteer firefighter. He loves to play disc golf, is obsessed with organic food, aims to buy and support local, his wardrobe is 95% WSU apparel + some underwear, and he loves to listen to the same song for days. I call those types of people Repeat Listeners -- which I am.

Pastly I almost dated a wind turbine engineer, I dated a car-sales marketing rep slash triathlete, I thought I was dating a Music Teacher (turns out, we never dated), I summer-flinged a broken-hearted alcoholic (my diagnosis), I liked a guy who later decided he was gay, I dated a brilliant philosopher with no ambition, I dated a musician where I broke my own heart, I dated a really nice guy, and I dated The First Kiss… who I wish I was still friends with.

Welcome to my Revolving Door of Men (self-titled)

With all of the aforementioned (yeah, I went to college) experience, I figured I should share my lifetimeaknowledge:

1. When they want you to be someTHING you’re not  -- blah blah, don’t do it. Here’s what happened when I did this: I STRUGGLED in the next relationship. I consistently expected him to want me to be something or to do something, when realistically he just wanted me to calm down and be comfortable with myself.
2. Break-ups -- become the norm. After I went through too many, my habit was to date in such a way that made the break up easy. Turns out, that’s unhealthy. Now, every day I practice forming the neurological pathways for long term success which to me means: NOT hunting for reasons to end this. Recognize things I am not familiar with or accustomed to and then TRY them! For example, Trevor loves “checking in” where he calls me and has nothing to say, but will update me on what he did (without me asking) and how he feels (whether I care or not), and what he hopes to accomplish in the next couple of hours (which often includes eating and/or frisbee-golf). I hated this at first, but I forced myself to try it. I still hate it, but I do it because it tells him that I care.
3. Different body types -- I legitimately thought all of them were attractive. Sincerely. I told them that. However, I found that the more time I spent with some boyfriends, the less attractive they became, and with Trevor, the more time I spend with him, the more I look forward to making him giggle. Because he is the cutest when I make him laugh. And yes, there were some who didn’t think I was funny. Which is automatically a deal breaker.
4. Deal Breakers -- inspired by Liz Lemon (slash Tina Fey, who is White Girl Beyonce). Deal breakers are real, and they are worth keeping. After dating my first alcoholic, I promised myself I would never date an addict. Then I dated two. First, dating an addict confuses me because it’s difficult to figure if the behavior (whatever behavior) is connected to the addiction, or if it’s connected to the personality separate from addiction. Second, I made myself a promise, and I broke it. Breaking a promise to anyone creates pain. In choosing to date an Addict, I chose to hurt myself. Which resulted in being intensely self-protected because I didn’t want to be hurt again. When I don’t ever want to be hurt again, I won’t be vulnerable or empathetic. Brene Brown speaks some major gospel truth regarding vulnerability.  Dating someone who doesn’t meet my criteria will only lead me into a more broken state of existence. If he breaks my deal, I am out.
5. I love you - Oh I DEFINITELY say “I love you.” Not telling someone that you love them is the dumbest thing.
6. Finances -- matters. Where he spends his money matters, how much, how often, all of it. Money will matter. I have dated poor, rich, pays for everything, pays for nothing, doesn't care about money, only cares about money. I like the ones who care about money, but see it as a means to an ends.
7. Edgey -- Passion and curiosity makes for an interesting person. If he isn't interesting, he is boring.

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Ultimately, I found that I am sincerely thankful I am not married yet. I am not a person who is ready to be married. Dating so many types at different stages and ages taught me how to teach myself how to learn how to date. I know that was too many layers of how-confusing, but if you work through it for a couple read-throughs, you can get it.

Trevor doesn’t typically read my blog, but if he does, I will let you know what he says about this. He is a private person, and (clearly) I am not.