Baby Photos - A Rant Only Non-Parents Will Read
Every time my Instagram blows up with baby photos, announcements, gender reveals, videos, status updates, ultra sound photos... I stalk you like you are my ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. And now I gots things to say...
1. The Dwight Reaction "We need a new plague."
Don't we all hate traffic? I thought the point was to SPREAD. OUT. There are enough humans, why do we need more? What if you replaced all that time and phone storage with good music? I like music. I could probably handle a few more people in my life suggesting decent bands, taking photos of symphony concerts, and telling me about how difficult reading music before bed is. More music, less people.
2. The Liz Lemon Reaction "All God's children are terrible."
Children are the worst, and all the adults know it. No one's children are the exception. I say this BECAUSE I AM OFTEN PAID TO HANDLE YOUR CHILDREN. They scream, they want all the attention, they are taught that they are our future, and therefor they matter. Children do not matter more than adults. They are consumers, not contributors. Teach your child to contribute, and maybe MAYBE I will consider an exception to the Liz Lemon Rule.
3. The Catholic Nun "Bring them up in the way they should go, and something really good happens."
Some quick advice on parenting: Children. Need. Structure. Structure provides guidance when the adult is not there to guide. But here is the heart breaking truth: children are humans, too. They will do what they want, they will form their own opinions, they will decide for themselves what they want to believe, who they want to love, and what part of society they want to fix. These values rarely line up with the Parents' values. Parents, when this happens: ENGAGE YOUR CHILD. Ask questions, create a space for discussion, respect the differences, maybe consider expanding your own perspectives. Do this at an early age -- treat them like thoughtful adults. They will in turn treat you like thoughtful adults.
*Do I have the ethos to explain parenting to parents? I don't feel the need to defend myself. Keep reading, or quit now... because this only gets better.
4.The Suburban Grandma "Children are to be seen and not heard."
Is this where Instagram #babyphoto gets high? I only ask out of curiosity, no judgement here. Obviously. There are 2 types of parents: those who make fun of their kids on the social media, and those who brag about their kids on social media. Bragging can be anything like their level of cute, their accomplishments, their personality traits...
5. Pornstache "Needs no quote."
Porno-baby much? Let's just address this head on: Naked baby photos plastered all over social media? Take a second to think about what we are saying when we shove a camera into a little kid's face when they have no clothes on... Then later, maybe when she is 10, you hand her a phone for her birthday - a camera and a way to send photos. I don't know exactly the age cut-off for bathtub photos, but please, be careful. Be mindful of predators. Be mindful of what this tells a child about bodies and their privacy at an early age.
6. A Reality Check
You know what I appreciate: the pictures of messy living rooms, of stretch marks, of parents straddling doorways, carrying grocery bags while looking over their shoulder shouting instructions on how to tie shoes... I want transparency, real life, the ups and the downs, the good and the bad... I want to see less framed babies laying peacefully on white bed spreads, and more girls learning to play with legos and boys learning empathy. Take a photo when they have a total meltdown in public. I dare you.
*Un-shun*
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Isn't it nice when people with no children judge other people with children? |
1. The Dwight Reaction "We need a new plague."
Don't we all hate traffic? I thought the point was to SPREAD. OUT. There are enough humans, why do we need more? What if you replaced all that time and phone storage with good music? I like music. I could probably handle a few more people in my life suggesting decent bands, taking photos of symphony concerts, and telling me about how difficult reading music before bed is. More music, less people.
2. The Liz Lemon Reaction "All God's children are terrible."
Children are the worst, and all the adults know it. No one's children are the exception. I say this BECAUSE I AM OFTEN PAID TO HANDLE YOUR CHILDREN. They scream, they want all the attention, they are taught that they are our future, and therefor they matter. Children do not matter more than adults. They are consumers, not contributors. Teach your child to contribute, and maybe MAYBE I will consider an exception to the Liz Lemon Rule.
3. The Catholic Nun "Bring them up in the way they should go, and something really good happens."
Some quick advice on parenting: Children. Need. Structure. Structure provides guidance when the adult is not there to guide. But here is the heart breaking truth: children are humans, too. They will do what they want, they will form their own opinions, they will decide for themselves what they want to believe, who they want to love, and what part of society they want to fix. These values rarely line up with the Parents' values. Parents, when this happens: ENGAGE YOUR CHILD. Ask questions, create a space for discussion, respect the differences, maybe consider expanding your own perspectives. Do this at an early age -- treat them like thoughtful adults. They will in turn treat you like thoughtful adults.
*Do I have the ethos to explain parenting to parents? I don't feel the need to defend myself. Keep reading, or quit now... because this only gets better.
4.The Suburban Grandma "Children are to be seen and not heard."
Is this where Instagram #babyphoto gets high? I only ask out of curiosity, no judgement here. Obviously. There are 2 types of parents: those who make fun of their kids on the social media, and those who brag about their kids on social media. Bragging can be anything like their level of cute, their accomplishments, their personality traits...
OR
We could all watch kids get hurt running into walls. My personal favorite. Be the parents who make fun of their kid -- keep them humble. And aware that social media will now forever exist, projecting their lives and personalities into the Cloud.5. Pornstache "Needs no quote."
Porno-baby much? Let's just address this head on: Naked baby photos plastered all over social media? Take a second to think about what we are saying when we shove a camera into a little kid's face when they have no clothes on... Then later, maybe when she is 10, you hand her a phone for her birthday - a camera and a way to send photos. I don't know exactly the age cut-off for bathtub photos, but please, be careful. Be mindful of predators. Be mindful of what this tells a child about bodies and their privacy at an early age.
6. A Reality Check
You know what I appreciate: the pictures of messy living rooms, of stretch marks, of parents straddling doorways, carrying grocery bags while looking over their shoulder shouting instructions on how to tie shoes... I want transparency, real life, the ups and the downs, the good and the bad... I want to see less framed babies laying peacefully on white bed spreads, and more girls learning to play with legos and boys learning empathy. Take a photo when they have a total meltdown in public. I dare you.
*Un-shun*
I read it & I had 7 babies. suggesting that a plague is needed might be a bit harsh. Proudly contradicting God's Word that says Children are a blessing from the Lord might not be a good idea. It's something to consider that you were once one of those babies that you are hating right now.
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